The One About A Boiled Egg

Sun comes home from school demanding as he always does a snack to keep him going until dinner time.
Sun: "Can I have a soft boiled egg and soldiers Mummy?"

Now, for some unknown reason I find it extremely difficult to boil an egg and retain a soft yolk.

I have tried the Delia method of leaving the egg in hot water but removing it from the heat. I have tried placing it in a pan of cold water first, I have tried putting the egg straight into hot water. I have used an egg timer, I have guesstimated. I have even watched a video by the British Egg Information Service, which states that the water should be 3 cm above the top of the egg! I still work in inches so that really threw me. Then she stirred the egg half way through and I really couldn't see the point of that. Then I read a comment from a viewer that had tried the British Egg Information Services technique and apparently his egg had turned out "as hard as shit" so I didn't bother going any further with that method!

Now, like most parents, I don't like disappointing my son so I have learnt to manage his expectations.

Me: "So you would like a boiled egg, would you?"

Sun: "Yes please Mummy"

Me: "Ok Sun, but instead of a runny yolk how about a nice hard boiled egg?"

Sun: "No I'd like to dip my soldiers in it."

Me (switching the telly on):"Oh look it's Special Agent Oso on. You like that don't you?"

Sun: "Yeah it's my favourite programme." (getting very animated)

Me: "Oh dear. You're going to miss it because you'll be eating your egg in the dining room. I would let you eat it in here but the yolk might drip onto the carpet. Now if you were having a hard boiled egg you could've eaten it in here whilst you were watching TV. Never mind"

Sun (almost shouting):"No, no, no. It's ok Mummy I'll have a hard boiled egg instead."

"Are you sure?" I say, wringing my hands and stifling an evil laugh as I make my way to the kitchen.

I have out-witted a 4 year old and I FEEL GOOD,BABY!!

So on goes the egg- straight into cold water where it wobbles back and forth just 3ish cms below the water line. Up to the boil it comes and I carefully lower the heat so that the water simmers in the pan. I give the egg a little stir- just in case- and wait until a point in time when I am sure that it has been on long enough to be truly rubbery.

I plate up some chunks of cucumber (one of his five a day!),10 grapes (another one of his five a day- god I'm good!), a small polish sausage- kabanos and then I begin to peel the egg.

It's not as firm as I was expecting!

It is decidedly soft in my hand but I have committed myself to peeling it entirely, so the shell must go.

I am beginning to worry now. After duping Sun into accepting a hard boiled egg it seems I have quite accidentally produced a soft yolk. How could this be?

To be on the safe side I put the now naked egg into a ceramic egg cup and gently remove the top.

To my astonishment the egg yolk is semi- soft! The white bit and the outer yolk are hard but a tiny yellow puddle of yolk remains runny right in the centre!

So now, not only can I not deliver a soft boiled egg but I can't even hard boil one!

I feel fairly useless at this point until I have a sudden flash of inspiration.
I have duped him once. I WILL DUPE HIM AGAIN!!!!!! (MwahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhahaha, accompanied by evil wringing of hands!)

I take the plate into the living room and place it on an occasional table next to Sun. (NB to self- I wonder what the table is when on occasions it isn't a table?)

Me: "Here you are Sun. Now you know that you couldn't decide if you wanted a soft or hard boiled egg!!!?????"

Sun: "Yes." (He is so hungry he would agree to anything at this point!)

Me: "Well I have made you an egg that is half and half! I have hard boiled it but left a little bit of runny yolk in the middle so you can dip your sausage in it."

Sun: "WOOOOOOOOWWWWWW!!! That's really clever Mummy!"

Me: "I KNOW!!!"


So, I got away with it. This time!
I really hope he never asks for his egg to be poached!!

The One About Sun and the Embarrassing Incident

I love kids or to be precise I love my kid. He is a very bright 4 year old or so I like to think. He is very good at maths, has started to read and has a wide vocabulary.
So it was no surprise to me when, the other evening, he told me that we should "compromise" over what he was going to be fed at tea time.
I proposed a healthy roast chicken and vegetables; he wanted a jam and marmite sandwich, a packet of jelly babies and yoghurt with chocolate balls.
We settled on pasta followed by yoghurt. He also negotiates very well!!

Anyway being very impressed with his command of the English language I was actively seeking an opportunity to show off and when a situation arose with Sun and his cousin arguing over their opposing choice of which DVD to watch, I sprung into action.

Me: "Now Sun, we have spoken about this sort of situation before, haven't we?"

Sun: "Yes Mummy we have."

Me: "So if your cousin wants to watch Ice Age and you want to watch Cars, what should we do?"

Sun just looked blank. He obviously needed a bit of prompting.

Me:" If your cousin wants to watch Ice Age and you want to watch Cars what do we need to do?.....(Sun still looking blank)......we need to...?

Sun: "TELEVISIONS. We need 2 televisions!"

Me:" I thought we might compromise!!!!"

Sun looked at me as if he had never heard the word before!! So much for showing off!!

The trouble with him being bright is that we sometimes forget he is as little as he is. He is going through the rude word stage at the moment. Everyone and everything smells like poo or wee-wee or he is declaring that he can see your willy.

Me: "Sun you can't possibly see my willy because I am a lady and what don't ladies have?"

Sun: "Elbows?" (NB to self: did I say he was bright? Perhaps I'm getting him confused with Dave! Must check with school!)

Now as far as bodies are concerned we are ok with nudity in our family and have never felt the need to cover up around each other. But there have been a couple of incidents just recently when we have questioned whether the time had come to be more discreet.

The first was when Sun gave me a lovely picture that we had spent some considerable time drawing. It was a picture of a person with spiky hair, ears, big eyes and a huge smile. On the body in the area of the chest were 2 large circles. My wife Dave and I gave a knowing look at each other and commended him on the picture.

“It's a picture of you Mummy" he declared and off he trotted.

We had a brief conversation about the location of the circles and concluded that they could only be his representation of my breasts.
So we were greatly relieved when he informed us that they were in fact my nostrils.

What they were doing on my torso is beyond me but I guess mine is not to reason why.

This morning however I caught Sun innocently videoing me naked in the bathroom on his kids digital camera. We had a discussion about privacy and respect and said that videoing people when they were naked wasn't a good idea. He seemed to understand and we agreed to delete the video once I had finished in the bathroom.

I didn't delete it however as I got caught up in my morning chores such as feeding the cat, the chickens and Sun, then washing up, putting dirty clothes in the washing machine etc and as the morning went on I forgot all about the video.

In fact it didn't cross my mind again until I saw Sun showing the neighbour his selection of self produced short movies on his camera. I think my saving grace was that the images were quite blurred and the neighbour had forgotten her spectacles! But I didn't realise that until after I'd had a Tenna Lady moment and then truly did smell of wee-wee!

In the words of my mother....."Kid's! Who'd have them??"